“If we play the way we have been, we can’t rule out England winning the World Cup.”

Yes yes, John, you’re right — England probably are in with a shout. But we say that every time, don’t we?

Is that your autobiography in your hand…?

Because he’s not English.

And Steve Coppell and Gareth Southgate (the turncoat!) agree.

Look chaps. Yes, it’s sad that the FA are likely to choose another foreign coach rather than an English one. But surely that points to the fact that nobody from these shores is yet good enough. Actually, it’s not that sad — if England lift the Jules Rimet trophy in South Africa in 2010 who on earth is going to care what country the guy who made it happen comes from?

The FA’s remit is simple: appoint the best manager possible. Nationality does not come into it.

Just ask any fan who’d they’d prefer: the best manager available or the best English manager available.

Until those two criteria point to the same man, you’ll have to learn to live with it.

I actually think this is the best thing that could have happened. England were simply not good enough to emerge from their group in anything but third place: the standings accurately reflect the qualifying campaign. The manager simply wasn’t up to the task and the players didn’t seem to want to play.

There. I said it. You can almost hear it in chorus up and down the country. Steve McClaren just wasn’t up to the task.

Let’s face it, when your nickname is ‘Second Choice Steve’ you’re going to have a hard time convincing people that you’re the right man for the job. There can’t have been many surprised that he was sacked 12 hours after failing to qualify for Euro 2008 but I’ll admit I was a little surprised at his lack of integrity straight after the match — when asked if he was going to resign following the failure, he replied that he wouldn’t, despite the whole nation baying for his blood. Well, would you quit and walk away?

Or would you wait to be fired and pocket £2.5m?

The whole appointment of McClaren was flawed from the start, with various top-line candidates falling by the wayside as the weeks rolled on. Guus Hiddink felt insulted when the FA asked him for a coffee and a chat. Sam Allardyce confused poor Brian Barwick by shouting that the next England manager should be English whilst wearing a t-shirt saying “Me sir! Me sir!”. Luiz Felipe Scolari went all shy on us after news of his meetings with the FA became public knowledge.

And that left Steve McClaren. Brian Barwick maintained that Steve was always his first choice, something that didn’t seem to phase Steve himself:

“I don’t see it as a case of first choice or second choice. I am THE choice and I sit here as the next England coach.”

Spoken like man who can’t believe his luck.

So, this is England in late 2007. Steve is sacked and Barwick is on the lookout for a new manager.

How does that saying go, something about a ‘rudderless ship’?

Barwick must make the choice himself this time — no committees, no board meetings — just get the best man available. But who to ask?

Well, Martin O’Neill would be a good choice. But the FA pissed him off last time, so he appears to have ruled himself out. What about Jose Mourinho? He’d be an excellent choice. Can you imagine the press conferences after another lacklustre England display if he was in charge? No FA-sanctioned soundbites, just an honest appraisal of what happened. The perfect man-manager.

Yes, he could be at loggerheads with the FA at times. But if England are doing well, who on earth is going to care?

And I believe England would do very well under Mourinho.

As I said in September — if Brian Barwick has any sense he’ll be on the phone to Mourinho now.

Think it’ll happen? Nah, me neither.

(The title of this post is in honour of Tony Henry)

Not the match last night.

Abysmal coverage by BBC Radio 5 (commentating via their mobile phones!) and a pretty abysmal outcome. Read the interweb today and you’ll see people blaming the manager, the players, the pitch or a combination of the three.

Steve McClaren was on the news this morning, and his gist went thus:

“I looked around the room and said “No excuses.” I was very happy with what I saw, with what I’ve got [the squad]. I said “We’ve got enough in this room to win those matches, and we will win them.”

Unfortunately I can’t find this quote anywhere online (yet), so you’ll have to take my word for it. It’s a snippet from a press conference that’s bound to be replayed throughout the coming days.

After England’s abject display against Germany last month, I’d go for a draw against Israel and a win against Russia.

More worringly, perhaps, is McClaren’s view of England’s drab 0-0 draw with Israel in March. Referring to the inclusion of Heskey (lord help us) as a ‘focal point’, something that was missing from the game in March, McClaren said:

“We didn’t have a plan B.”

I can understand not having a plan C, D or E. But no plan B?

Really?

That is worrying.

The list is rather long: Steven Gerrard, Owen Hargreaves, Darren Bent, Sol Campbell, Wayne Rooney, Peter Crouch, Gary Neville, Jonathan Woodgate and Ledley King are all out. and Jamie Carragher has retired from international football.

Faced with this problem, I would like to see Steve take a risk or two and put a few new faces in the team.

Yes, I know — getting your first senior international cap against Germany is a tall order. There would be a lot of pressure. But it’s a friendly — the only thing at stake is national pride. And the possibility of a permanent berth in the squad if you perform.

Steve should be on the phone to Theo Walcott, Steven Taylor and Leighton Baines to see what they’re up to.

Sure, there’s the slight problem of a couple of Euro 2008 qualifiers coming up, where you’d want your first team fully fit, in harmony and firing on all four. But look at the other side of the coin: you might just find a face that lights up the team and gives it the confidence to go into the remaining Euro 2008 qualifiers all fired up.

You never know, it might put a bit of excitement back into English international football.

No shit.

I wonder what it was that made the players realise this? The continual dismay shown by the media at his formations and tactics? The way England struggled, limped, squeaked and the ‘just-made-it-by-the-skin-of-their-teeth-into-the-quarters-again’ style of play? The fact that he took Walcott and didn’t play him, effectively meaning he took just 22 players?

Of the Walcott saga, Sven said that going to a World Cup would be good for the lad, despite the fact he didn’t actually play. I’d disagree there–taking a 17-year old to a World Cup and not playing him is just as likely to destroy his confidence. It’s been suggested that the FA could have financed Walcott’s trip to Germany as a guest, meaning Sven could actually take a decent striker. Still, I bet Jermaine Defoe appreciated the time in the garden.

If you’re an England player, what can you do though? You can’t very well tell your manager you think he’s shit. If he has an inkling of common sense, he’d pick up on that fact without you needing to point out his shortcomings. Do you tell the FA? That would be perceived as a back stab. Do you whinge about it internally and say the right things in press conferences? Probably. Then you’d blame the FA for appointing the berk in the first place.

After a glorious summer of football I suppose it’s inevitable that we’re about to be inundated with footballer autobiographies: Frank Lampard, Rio Ferdinand, Wayne Rooney, Steven Gerrard and Ashley Cole have all spent the summer writing instead of doing what they’re paid for: winning football matches (the World Cup would have been nice).

I only hope that the players are a bit more honest with McClaren.

Criticised for continually picking Beckham despite his poor form, baffling critics and fans alike with his meddling formations and tactics, and rounded upon for taking a 17-year old to a World Cup and not playing him–it’s not hard to see why there are so many “Sven doesn’t have a clue” headlines screaming from the red-tops. But I think it’s actually much simpler than that: Sven just didn’t have the passion for winning football matches.

How many times did we see the Swede stand up and simply clap when England scored, whilst those around him (the England backroom staff, physios and his deputy McClaren) jumped and whooped for joy? Is it that he simply a mild mannered man, not one for shouting or jumping, but rather one who gets things done with a quiet efficient stealth? Or is it that he’s a bit of a bore, someone who did reasonably well at Lazio but doesn’t have the passion for winning international football matches? Who knows. Put it this way: had Beckham’s teammates simply stood where they were and politely clapped his goal against Ecuador, would you question their commitment to the cause?

I’ve always thought that Sven’s half time team-talks would be interesting to observe. I can’t imagine him giving anyone the Ferguson Hairdryer™ treatment, but then maybe he rouses players in a much more refined way. But if those watching the matches at home (or at least those watching the Portugal game at my flat) were asked, they’d probably say that those players needed a right good bollocking at half time in most of their matches. Portugal aside, England played poorly in every second half of every match in 2006.

David Lacey write in this piece on GU:

Perhaps Alan Ball should have given the team talk. Interviewed on TV before the match he spoke stirringly of the chance Eriksson’s players had to become a part of England’s football history, pointing out that the 1966 World Cup winners were still remembered 40 years on.

Think of the last England game you watched that had you screaming and jumping for joy. I mean, really celebrating. Are you thinking of the Argentina game in the 2002 World Cup? Where Beckham laid to rest a demon that had haunted him ever since France 98 by scoring the winning penalty that helped dump Argentina out. England v Argentina has plenty of history behind it. You’d be hard pressed to find a football match more charged with passion.

Beckham scored a penalty.

Against Argentina.

And it was the winning goal!

I bet if you look back, you were hugging whoever was next to you. I know I was.

Take a look at Sven’s reaction then.

Kind of says it all really.

Now, this isn’t a ‘the England manager isn’t English’ diatribe. I’m talking passion. Sven must surely know what it means to beat Argentina, regardless of whether you’re England or not. It’d be like beating Brazil, Germany, Italy–any top flight nation. If you beat them at a World Cup, and by beating them it means they’re out of the competition, would you not be a bit more roused?

To prove my point, imagine if that were Scolari sitting there. Or Wenger. Or Mourinho. They’d be up there high-fiving McClaren et al.

I just don’t think Sven had the passion. And why would he? £5m a year, free tickets to any Premiership match he wanted and not a lot of work to do in a year. Those facts do not constitute the travesty.

The travesty is that the FA let him stay on for as long as he did.

(Picture taken from this piece on the BBC site about Sven’s 5½ year reign. It’s picture no. 6, if you want to take a look.)

I aired my thoughts on the on-off appointment of Scolari last week, the main gist of which was that I wanted the best possible management setup for the national squad. Taking the remaining candidates into consideration (Big Sam, Psycho and Macca), I’d have to say (albeit begrudgingly) that McClaren is the most suited.

I say begrudgingly because the whole saga has been played out for too long and in an inappropriate way. By saying they wanted to announce SGE’s successor before the World Cup, the FA created a very public rock for their back.

I can’t shake the feeling that McClaren is second choice–a backup, fallback, call it what you will. I get the feeling that the FA’s hand was somewhat forced with the whole Scolari episode. Whilst it’s blindingly obvious that if you have a shortlist of candidates and, one by one, they rule themselves out and you’re left with Mr Last Place, I still get the impression the whole thing has been rushed.

I do not wish to rubbish Steve’s achievements–Carling Cup Winner in 2004, UEFA Cup Finalist in 2006, nor am I poo-pahing his pedigree (he worked under SAF at Man Utd for three years before taking the reigns at Boro and has been part of the England setup for many years).

Don’t get me wrong–I’d love, absolutely love to be proved 100% wrong, to have egg on my face come Euro 2008 and to join the Macca fanclub and denounce any negative feelings towards his appointment.

In the cold light of day, the FA had a choice. Of all the candidates (left), Steve McClaren is not only English, but he’s been part of the coaching team of England for many years, and so knows the players and the setup.

Perhaps most importantly though, he’s had Cup successes with Middlesbrough. And Cup competitions are all England compete in.